Hi everyone,

                     im posting on here because i dont really want to talk about this to anyone i know. i just feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Due to a one off incident of childish carelessness and naievity at the age of 18, im now mum to my lovely 3 year old daughter, she is my whole life and she's what keeps me going through everything. After she was born i took a year out of working because i suffered from post natal depression, and as she turned 1 i started studying for a HND at my local college. It was a lot of fun and i made a few friends, i felt i was achieving something and i also got a lot of financial support too, so money wasnt a worry. I graduated from my HND in June and im now looking for a job. This is where i start to feel really down because my partner, who is my daughters daddy, and i have had to apply for housing benefit to help us pay our rent while im out of work, ive also had to sign on to jobseekers allowance which really gets me down because of the general stigma attached to 'the dole'. like i am just a bum who doesnt want to do anything. I have applied for quite a few jobs and thought i wouldnt have much trouble since i have a HND and a few A levels. I am maybe just being impatient, but money is really tight now, although my partner does have a part time job that is just keeping us going. It wouldnt be so bad but i have suffered with so many insecurities through my teens that i dont look good enough, am ugly etc, mainly due to a lot of bullying through school, and i feel like i have to look good, be wearing nice clothes and hair done, make up done, to feel anything like human. i cant keep this up now obviously, and i just feel terrible. i feel like id do absoloutly anything to make some money right now. it is really stressing me out and sometimes i just sit by myself and cry. i think my friends think i am just a dosser who doesnt want to work which is awful. but i really do want to work hard to make a good life for me and my little girl, and i just feel so helpless, like its going to be like this for a long time. thankyou for reading if you got this far.

Jennie

Hi Jennie.

To start, well done for getting your life back on track, you have done well. Don't blame yourself now because you can't get work, it is really difficult in the current economic climate. Keep trying, the right job is out there somewhere. And don't feel guilty about being on the "dole". You are entitled to jobseekers allowance, remember if you weren't actually trying to find work you would not continue to get this entitlement. Make sure you and your partner have claimed all you are entitled to, ask at Citizens' Advice. This is not, definitely not scrounging!! It might be worth you asking with "jobseekers" about the possibility of any freebie courses that might be available which would improve your CV.

In the meantime, enjoy the time with your little girl. Remember too that you don't need a lot of dosh to look good. Clean clothes, well groomed hair etc will make you feel better and will make a good impression when you do manage to land job interviews.

you shouldn't because you've had a daughter that you've cared for from a young age, got through post natal depression, gone to college and got an HND.  You should be proud that you have done all of these things. Its really not you're fault that the job situation at the moment is quite difficult.

I ran a mile to win a smile

Christmas through a child's eyes how many smiles and how many well heeled miles does a daughter need?

Yes Indeed You are a proud Mum buy a pair of runners love have some fun

Hi,

You should not be ashamed at all. I am a mum of three kids, aged 6, 7 and 1. Before I had the kids I was married, my husband and I both had well paying careers, I had a degree, a-levels, the lot, we owned our own home and didnt rely on anyone for anything. My older kids were born and things went very different. My loving husband turned into a thug who hit us, cheated on me repeatedly and other things also. I had to give up my job as the kids and I were being moved into shelters and hostels to get away from him (none of which are near where you live!) I suffered awful PND that very nearly lost me my children to the care system and me to a psychiatric hospital. It was awful. I had no choice but to go onto benefits. 2 years later I met a new partner and last year we had a baby together (unexpected and very much unplanned) My partner is disabled so isnt allowed to work (though he desperately wants to) and a few weeks ago we finally moved in together to be a proper family (I had been living with my mum, during this time my father had a stroke so I moved in with my mum to help care for him, but he later passed away) and we still claim benefits. I work part time, I would gladly work more but there are just no jobs around at the moment, despite the fact I am well educated. My partner too has a degree but his doctors wont let him work (but he cant claim all the disability benefits as he wants to work, its ridiculous!) Yes we dont have much money, but we use what we do have wisely and the kids dont go without anything at all. Obviously we have no social life, no new clothes etc, but we can cope with that.

I guess what I am saying is that you are not scrounging, you, like me, have spent years paying into a system that is designed to be there when you need the help, so dont be ashamed to accept it. One day the economy will get back on its feet and there will be more job opportunities out there for us mums who want to work! Its just at the moment things are tough. I do other things to keep me busy also, and to make me feel I am contributing something back to society. I help out at my kids schools, I help run their fundraising committee,and I fit in other voluntary work where I can. I certainly dont sit on my bum watching Jeremy Kyle all day!

Dont feel so bad. Just remember, this isnt forever. And if your friends think you are just a dosser, they are not real friends at all. Hard times can happen to anyone.

Steph