I am so insecure and it is driving me mad.

I am with my partner and he is my world, truely believe i have found my missing link. He has also recently asked me to marry him.

But i am always suspicious and insecure, i have been cheated on and other things in the past and cant seem to let it go. Some days i can let myself be happy other days i am depressed and driving myself nuts.
He is always texting on his phone on msn and he does little things like wont leave it if he goes out the room or if he does he puts it under the bed or something silly.
But he says he wants me and only me and couldnt imagine his life without me but then does these things that make me suspicious. He also works away from home some weeks for 2-3 nights (truck driver).
He knows i am insecure and says he would never do anything, and wishes i would believe that and be a more confident person but i cant seem to do it.

I really dont want to end up losing him because of my thoughts and feelings. I keep saying if he is going to do something then he will do it and i cant stop that but it lasts for all of about 10 minutes

Hi and welcome to the board :-)

I'm a great believer in gut instinct, but the trouble is that it's difficult to tell the difference between gut instinct and fear. I was in a similar situuation last year. My partner was more than careful with his phone and I couldn't shake the feeling that something was going on. I really don't believe in checking up on people, but in the end I felt like I was going mad and temptation got the better of me. I checked his phone and laptop and found he was sending and receiving inappropriate texts/emails and, as I suspected, his ex was involved. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Of course, I had spent months trying to convince myself I was just paranoid, but I had to look back over my relationship history and face the fact that I had only ever felt that way (insecure, etc.) with one other partner and that was my ex husband who also turned out to be cheating on me. I'd had two other relationships, neither of which made me feel that way, so I knew it wasn't just me being paranoid. My gut instinct was telling me something was wrong.

You wrote

'He is always texting on his phone on msn and he does little things like wont leave it if he goes out the room or if he does he puts it under the bed or something silly.'

I'm not saying that your partner is cheating on you, but I'm a regular on the coping With Infidelity board and the sad reality is that most of the time, we are suspicious for a reason. If your partner was fearful about something you were doing, wouldn't you want to let him know he had nothing to fear by being totally transparent with him? I know I would. Your partner is doing the opposite. He's hiding his phone, which is only going to make you feel worse. Maybe you should explain that to him and see what he says? In the meantime, I think you should also post on CWI. Here is the link

http://messageboards.ivillage.co.uk/iv-ukrlbetrayed/start

Love,