Hello everyone.

I really need help and dont know where to turn.

For as long as I can remember, Ive always worried about one thing or another, it is extremely unusual for me NOT to worry about something.

One thing I have always found I worry about is my husbands job.  I never worried about it when he first got his job which was about a year before we got married. When he first got his job there was loads of work (hes an engineer/fitter), so he was always working overtime.  Then as the years went on, the work died down, and because all the overtime stopped I would worry that he would get paid off.  I would worry excessively about this to the point where I couldnt eat or sleep and was constantly feeling sick.  It got so bad that I would take panic attacks.  He worked for his employer for something like 20 years then decided to leave to start upon his own with his business partner.  I also worried when this took off too, but eventually as I started to become more involved in the business and see how much work the business had, I stopped worrying.      Unfortunately, my husband and his business partner fell out, and he bought my husband out of the business.  I wasnt too bothered about this because my children and I hardly ever saw him, and we both felt that he had missed out on seeing our youngest child grow up because of the hours he worked.

Anyway, my husband was offered a job back with his old employer, so my husband went back, again, there was overtime, and he was told they were busy.  Now, they have been told they are having to cut back on the workforce, and they have all been told that there will be redundancies.  My husband was told my his manager that his name was originally on the list because the MD said "anyone whos been in under 2 years has to go", which would have meant my husband because he only started back there in April.  BUT, his manager and foreman fought this, so he has been told that he wont be getting made redundant.  His foreman did tell him that he didnt know how long they would be able to fight for his job.

I have found myself worrying excessively again, and I just cant take this.  I cant go back to the way I was before, I wasnt spending any time with the children, and whenever they were trying to talk to me I was very snappy with them.  I would constantly ask my husband questions about his work, and keep harking on at him that we would end up start arguing.  I dont know what to do or how to chill out and relax.  My husband isnt worrying, infact he just says dont worry I will get another job.  How can he be so confident.

I am back working, but its only part time.  if my husband gets another job he wont be able to pick the kids up from school because I will need to do it, and that means I will probably have to give up my job.  Whne husband sold his business to his business partner, he got quite a bit of money so we paid most of it to our mortgage and now our mortgage balance is considerably less, and we have savings which could last us approx 12 - 18 months if we were very careful.  So why cant I stop worrying?

My mum says I cant keep going on like this because I will end up breaking down which will be no good to anyone.  My husband says there no point in worrying because I cant change anything, but, it doesnt stop me.  Today in work, I felt sick all day, and I felt my heart racing as if I was going to take a panic attack.  I had to go to the loo to take deep breaths and wash my face in the hope that I didnt break down it would have been so embarrassing.

I just cant take anymore of this.  All my life ive worried, and I feel ive wasted it.  I just dont know what to do, infact im so bad just now that I really feel that if I died tomorrow it would be a relief for me, but then I start to feel bad because I know that wouldnt be the best thing for my family cos I know that my children need me.

Hi bluedolphin

the first thing you need to do is see your GP. Despite the problems with you and your husband both trying to stay in work the level of worry you are experiencing is going to affect your health if it continues. Obviously it is already affecting you mentally and emotionally.

So see your GP as soon as possible.

Try not to get too churned up about the work situation. Sit down with your husband and plan your finances so you know just what monies you need to handle the basics. Then if the worst happens you will have some sort of idea about how much help you might need. One thing you could do now is find out about after school clubs. Lots of these are set up and it might mean you would be able to carry on work even if your husband couldn't collect the children

Hi Bluedolphin

I agree with tabbykitten, the first thing you should do is speak to your GP.  I know you probably don't consider  it necessary, but anti-depressants are good at giving you some calming time to be able to cope with things you aren't quite managing at the moment, and it wouldn't have to be forever.  It also sounds like the panic attacks are rearing their heads.  Your GP would be able to refer you to a counsellor who does CBT which in turn can teach you some coping strategies for when panic attacks come on.

I'm a worrier, do it all the time, but not to the extreme of feeling sick.  This must be affecting your health, a lack of sleep would certainly not be helping you managing day to day either.  Your kids will also be suffering from your low tolerance levels. Its good that you are recognising this is something that needs dealing with and your and your family will benefit from a happier, healthier, less worrisome you :)

I'm not sure if you're into reading, but there are a couple of books I have read and found extremely useful, both by the same author, Susan Jeffers.  The first is "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway", an age old classic written many years ago but very insightful into how most of us are limited more by fear itself, than of the things that we actually fear doing.  The second is "Embracing Uncertainty", which helps you understand that no amount of worry can guarantee how things turn out and gives you some tools on how to accept that uncertainty in life is actually a positive thing.

A good thing to know is you aren't going mad, nor are you alone.  Hope you are able to move forward, it sounds like you have a fantastically hard working and supportive husband so I am sure things will improve.  Hang in there x