my 12 year old son is so angry ,all the time.hes been like it for,,,welll looking back as far as i can remember.im a single mum,he sees his dad for half an hour every week for tea then 4 hours every other sunday(his dads choice  of time spent with him,not  mine)it starts as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning,non stop having digs at his younger brother(hes 11),everything n anything i do,its wrong,hes so grumpy,and short tempered all the time,the only time hes not is if hes with his friends but then he turns into a show off with silly talk all the time.its like he is trying to push me the whole time.ive tried asking him whats wrong and thn he goes off on one saying nothing and he cant help it.i love him very much,and go out of my way to do nice thingsand treat them both but nothing is ever good enough.its got to the point where i dread getting out of bed when the alarm goes off cos i know within 10 minutes(thats on a good day)he will start.i see him walking down the road towards the house and i dread him coming in the door as i know the hassle is gonna start.and i feel so so bad for having these feelings.hes so angry and moody,ive talked to him about anger management and he storms off saying he dont need it and he wont go.my 11 year yr old on the other hand is totaaly different.very calm and laid back.i dont often have to raise my voice to him  and altho the older one notices this and says i love the younger more,i say to him i love them both the same. butl he dont do nothing to upset me,hes not behaving like you are and im not gonna start tellin the eyoungest off to make him feel better.

they used to stay with their dad weekends until my eldest started  arguing with his new step mum all the time and now they dont go at all.im desperately in neeed of a break.at  my wits end.i love both my sons i just want a happier home.

What a shame you and your son are so unhappy. I think you know why your son is so angry, its all this with his Dad and the new step-mum. How I hate these situations where children are trying to grow up and adults are busy having new relationships and possibly more children when they have not looked after the ones they have.I speak from experience here. First, blow that anger management course out of the water, that will not help, you dont need more problems which some of these so called trained psychologists can cause. My daughter studied this for a while and was thoroughly dissatisfied with the way they handle people and the things they have set things to say and do. Your son will resent you and think you are treating him like a crank, so lets put that to bed. What you need to address is that his Dad leaving you and having another family is not your fault, that the arrangements with his Dad are not your fault,  and if things were different, you would make a perfect family for him and his brother. Seeing as this cannot happen (at least, not yet, I wish you all the best for the future) he will have to accept that his Mum loves him and does her very best for her kids, and wants to know what she can do to make him happier. Please do keep on making sure he realises you do  not love his sibling more than him, that does happen with parents and it is so unfair, because what can a child do? I was theunloved sibling, and its like a brick wall. I climbed over it, but it was hard, because it made things unfair.Maybe you could try and talk to them together and ask them why one of them is happier with the situation than the other. Maybe they could help each other with this. Tell your son that you are a family as you are, and need each other. Its difficult because he is in this 'mates' culture and thinks he is only happy with them, but he should grow out of this.  Sorry, my typing has gone into italics, and I dont know how to stop it. I do feel sorry for you, dreading him coming home, I was like that with my mother and my ex husband, you should not feel like it about your son. Are there no other relatives who can chip in and help with this?  Make sure that he feels he can tell you anything and everything, that you will listen and if you can do something about a situation, you will. You DO care,you just cannot work miracles. Try to think of when he was younger, you know all kids do this, there is a lot of suspicious banging and noises, and when you ask what they are doing, the answer is always NOTHING. He is doing this in a way, only now it is unpleasant and you want and need to stop this. Try to find out what has happened with his Dad and the new woman, for I am sure the root of your problems is there. I think you know this. I wish you luck and will think of you and hope this difficult period is over soon for you. Whatever you do, dont let him go, dont lose control of him. You are his Mother, you are the most important person in his life, particularly as his Dad has walked on him. A lot of kids dont like facing up to this, and some agony aunts advise glossing it over and not turning your kids against their Dad. I am not advocating that, but at the same time he will have to face up to reality. If he can be nasty to you and make life hard, then he can take in a few hard facts too. It will stand him in good stead in later life, because if he carries on like this he will find life harder than when he was just being unpleasant to the mother who loves him. Other people will  not give him the chances his mother would. Best of luck, and I will be thinking of you and hoping things work out. I believe they will.

HI I am having similar behaviour issues with my nearly 16 year old ,he has been like it since he was 11.I have tried anger management but he lost his temper and stomped off *rolls eyes* all he does is stomp off if things dont suit him :0( He has just been thrown out of school as the teachers are scared of him (doesnt stop one in particular winding him up till he loses it tho )so i have him at home doing his studies , he isnt too bad with his siblings and he doesnt lose it with me he is just grumpy and mardy all the time .

I am just about to get re-reffered to families first http://www.doncaster.gov.uk/Health_and_Social_Care/caring_for_our_children/Families_First/Families_First_Teams.asp

maybe there is something similar in your area.I was put in touch with them via ds's school ,they support me as much as him although last time I used them for ds2 (he has adhd but has only just been dx with it) as Ds1 wasnt too bad !!LIke you I am starting to dread him coming home,he seems to have lost all his hopes and aspirations and nothing I do seems to help

V xx