Every year since I have been with my partner some 20 years we have had his mother, sheila to stay for christmas for most of those years. My mum is in another country in but has advanced alzheimers.

Sheila is 73 and as each year goes by, my partner feels guilty and invites her for christmas for over a week or longer (guilt) and it is getting worse. She has lots of friends but sees family her two children as the be all and end all of life plus her two grand children, my daughters age 17 and 9. 

She is a good hearted person but is constantly anxious when she is with us, that is just how she is, but dont think she sees this as abnormal.  She can be v self centred, has low self esteem (hubbie left years ago and she has never recovered) and doesn't know how to communicate with her grandchildren and doesn't seem to know how to show interest in what they have been doing. Even when you talk to her, you can see she is not listening and she is wanting to off load what she has been doing.

It is hard when no one else is  relaxed in our own home when she is with us. She wont sit down and read a book for example, she seems to be on tenterhooks.

My youngest has been through hellish treatment for leukaemia and is fine now (all being well) and I want it to be a good time at xmas, which it tends not to be.. It is a relief sheila leaves and goes home .

This year I would like to say something to her to try and see if we can get a more relaxed atmosphere, but everything can think to say sounds blunt - you need to relax, so we can enjoy good time !. Anyone any ideas ?