i would really appreciate any opinions available
I'M STRUGGLING TO REMIND MYSELF WHY/IF I LOVE MY HUSBAND OF 2O YEARS. THERE HAVE ONLY EVER BEEN MINOR TROUBLES IN ALL THOSE YEARS BUT I'VE ALWAYS BEEN REALLY LACKING IN CONFIDENCE THAT HE REALLY LOVES ME. HE'S NEVER BEEN PARTICULARLY AFFECTIONATE, NOT BY MY STANDARDS ANYWAY, AND SOME OF THE THINGS HE SAYS CAN BE VERY HARSH AND UNCARING. EVRYBODY KNOWS THAT HE IS NOT THE EASIEST OF PEOPLE, BUT ALSO NOT THE WORST.
I'VE RECENTLY BEEN IN TOUCH (BY EMAIL) WITH AN OLD BOYFRIEND WHO IS OVER THE MOON AT FINDING ME AGAIN. ALTHOUGH I'M NOT STUPID AND TRY NOT TO LET ALL HIS LOVING WORDS AND COMPLIMENTS GO TO MY HEAD, THE WHOLE SITUATION IS MAKING IT REALLY DIFFICULT TO FEEL ANY ENTHUSIASM OVER MY MARRIAGE. WE GOT MARRIED VERY YOUNG AND I'M 40 NOW. I'M AFRAID THAT MY HUSBAND ISN'T FULFILLING ME AND THAT IF I DON'T MAKE A MOVE NOW (NOT NECESSARILY TO THE OLD BOYFRIEND) I'LL FIND MYSELF IN THE SAME POSITION IN 10 YEARS TIME AND THEN IT MIGHT BE TOO LATE TO FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE ME FEEL TRULY LOVED. BUT AM I JUST GOING THROUGH A PHASE AND WILL I REGRET IT IF I LEAVE THE LIFE I KNOW? I KNOW IT'S PATHETIC BUT I HATE THE THOUGHT OF BEING ON MY OWN IN LIFE.
ANYWAY, THAT'S WHAT I KEEP GOING OVER IN MY HEAD, AND IT'S REALLY STARTING TO GET TO ME. TO BE HONEST, I WISH I COULD JUST BE HAPPY WITH WHAT I'VE GOT, BUT I'M NOT SURE IF I CAN. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING THAT WILL BE OF HELP TO ME?
I'M GETTING DESPERATE.
THANKS SO MUCH.

I very rarely post on these boards (I read them daily) as I usually don't think I have any great advice to give to anyone and I'm certainly not as wise as many regular posters.

I'd just like to ask at least one (maybe two) "stupid" question(s)".

Have you talked to your husband about how you feel about your relationship? He may not realise how you feel or he may feel similar but not know what to say or do about it.

Have you seriously thought that you might just have a bad case of "grass is greener" syndrome? You have hit a rut in your relationship, you have self-esteem issues. I understand those all too well and please feel free to email me if you want to chat about them - otherwise we might need a new thread or even a whole message board on that, lol.

You've run into an old flame, that can be exciting to just find someone we have a history with cause it brings back all those "rose-tinted" memories. He's giving you the attention, compliments and ego boost you need to make you feel good and better about yourself and your hubby is not at the moment.

From experience (my hubby is not a natural romantic, lol) I would talk to your husband about how low and down you feel. Again it might be an idea to email me to chat. I'm not much help, but wanted you to know that most relationships seem to go through similar times and there could be a better stronger marriage for you if you talk to your hubby and see whay he says.

All the best.

Tan