I have been lurking on this board awhile and hoping it will help to get some baggage of my chest.  I have only been married for 2yrs 6mths.  I knew I was making a mistake and knew for definite on my wedding day i would regret it but I was 5 mths pregnant and thought it was just my hormones where everywhere and kept thinking of my poor baby. It has got to the point I am so so depressed and just cannot cope anymore I just do not know what to do.

My husband expects me to do everything in the house, I cook, clean, wash, iron look after our child.  My husband does not take our child to mursery, clean cook or anything even though he is off work 3 days a week and I work fulltime.  I try to tell him how I feel and that I am really unhappy and his response is "I think you need to go to the doc and take antidepressants"  That feels like someone is kicking me inside it hurts so much that he just ignores my feelings and says something as hurtful as that.

I can feel myself getting  more and more depreseed I do not even want to face anyone, I can not talk to friends and family as I am so embarassed.  They all suspect something is wrong as if anyone rings he starts making horrible comments in the background, turns the tv up or something equally as rude.

It is that bad that he came home the other night and I was hope from work late and had to go shopping as my son needed some things for nursery so I did not make dinner.  He banged about the house for hrs and never spoke to me. 

I do not even think I love him to be honest but I keep thinking about my wee boy I grew up in a one parent family and hate the thought I am considering making my son the victim of my mistakes.

He is even wanting another child, I pretended I came of the pill but I have not and I know the truth will come out soon but I am so scared, not because of any physical abuse, but just of the emotional abuse.

I just do not know what to do and would really appreciate some objective thoughts.  

xx 

Hi,

So sorry to hear you feel so down.

You are in a marriage you are unhappy in, you cant talk to your DH, he offers you no help and goes in to huff because you didnt make him dinner.

Talk to your friends and family please. If you say they suspect something is wrong then I would presume they have been asking questions. Why?? They care and love you and want to help. Do not be embarressed.

I think the only thing holding you back is your son who you are a wonderful mummy too. Does your DH do anything with him? Why does he want another child?

I and the other bordies are more then happy to help and listen to you as you try and make some important descions. Good Luck,

Melx

Hi there,

Thank you for responding I know I should talk to family and friends but I just cant bring myself to do it.  I am so ashamed that my marriage has lasted such a short period.  I always said I would not get into a marraige I was not 100% suer about and I have and am now going to have to live with the consequences. 

I tried talking to him this mornign again and he just said do whatever you want when I said I was unhappy and wanted to leave. So I think that the time has come to accept it is over and try to get my life back together. He is never there for me and I might aswell be a single parent.  I am normally such a strong person and I just cant be at the minute I just dont know I am making the right decision. 

Sorry I am being such a moan but this has really helped to get things out in the cyperspace open lol

xx

Hi,

Things happen in life that we dont plan for. At the time you were pregnant, confused and just wanting to do what was best. You cant turn back time, but you cant spend the rest of your life unhappy.

Your friends and family probably know more then you realise and are just waiting for you to say the word.

I think it would be hard for anyone to feel strong in this situation,get as much help as is offered to you.

Good luck,

Melx

Hello Charliettc,

So what are your DH's strengths?  What CAN he do (doesn't mind doing) to help you?  Would you have married him if you were not pregnant?

of course it's NOT FAIR he never helps you with anything at home especially if you work full time and probably the main breadwinner.  Does he help you with anything with your son? 

I wouldn't rush to leave him or divorce him yet, give it a bit of time, try to make it work, give him his last chance and a warning that you Are serious about being on your own if things don't change.  For the sake of you son as well as your happy marriage he must do something to improve things in your marriage.

Why does he only work part time?  Is it enough for your living?  Tell him that you DON'T want another child because things are not stable with your marriage and you don't want to be a single mum of 2 if things don't work out with you DH.  As Mel asked before WHY would he want the 2nd child if he doesn't help you with the 1st one at all?  Is he a good daddy in general?  Does he play/ spend time with him, buy things for him?

To encourage a man to help around the house there is a good way: PRAISE HIM ALL the time!!!  Praise his slightest effort and his slightest bit of help.  Often  tell him you love him and tell him you genuinely appreciate all his efforts for the family.  Don't criticise him, be positive and see if you notice different results in his behaviour.  Tell him he means a lot to you and you want your marriage to work.  Give it a try for 1-3 months and tell us if anything positive happened.  Book some time together.  Go somewhere exciting together.  Build positive memories and appreciate what you've got.  Things are Not actually that bad as we sometimes think and exaggerate.  

It's always easier to ruin than to build (relations).  And another important question: did/do you think you have post-natal depression?  Sometimes it effects the way we think and the way we percept people and the world around us.

I wish you all the best,

Sunny Girl