Hey everyone

I'm new to this board but there seems to be so many supportive people here so I thought it was worth leaving a message.

My poor soldier landed in Afghan today, after only six months training. Thankfully it's his second tour, so he knows kind of what to expect. But I can't help feeling bad for all those members of the battalion that are experiencing action for the first time.

He's on a six month tour and I just don't know what to do with myself. Wondered if you guys had any advice? We've only been together four months; got unofficially engaged on Friday (he decided he wanted to ask before he left but wants to make it official when he gets back and we can really celebrate) It sounds really fast I know! But it was one of those things that as soon as we met each other, we knew. I don't believe in love at first sight but it was pretty much it!

I just don't know what to do with myself now! I already feel so lost without him. Apparently the contact address we got for him in Afghan is wrong and we can't even start writing until the 28th?! In my limited experience with the army, I can already say that NOTHING surprises me anymore!

xxx

Hello and welcome to the board!!

The build up to them going away and the first few days after they've left are some of the hardest parts of forces relationships/life, even now I hate those first few days as it's all still such a fresh memory of them being around. It does get easier, and you find that although they're still constantly on your mind, you can function on a fairly normal level.

The first time my DH went away I was working full time, we had a dog and we were invovled in a canoe club, so I was pretty busy and that certainly helped the time pass, the 2nd time we had toddler, so she kept me very busy!!

Finding things to pass the time can be as frustrating as they can be fun, I know of people who have set themselves up with a challenge for the time their OH is away, eg Lose weight, go to the gym more often, learn something new. If you're surrounded by friends/family then something a friend did was arrange regular "nights in/out" with her friends so that each week or month she had something to look forward to.

One thing that I found I had to do, was to not sit in waiting for the phone or waiting for an email etc, I had to make the most of the time that I had and turning down an invitation "just in case he called" wasn't a good thing for me!!

I have to say 6 months training is pretty good going, I know of people going out there with a lot less training than that!!

Hopefully it won't be too long before you get the correct address for him, but in the mean time you could always start getting a few things together ready to send out to him!!

Hope we can help keep you company in the time he's away

Heather

CL on Families in the Forces

Oh! I just realised I put six months. It was actually only six weeks. I think the six months of him being away was on my mind when I was writing that!

I've just started university so I'm hoping that will keep my busy. I thought about going to visit his mum? Apparently she really struggles when he is away but I didn't know if she would feel like I was intruding?

I spoke to a sister of a guy in his battalion and she said that we can send bluey's out now but they might not get them for a week. So I've sent one today so that he knows I am thinking of him. I kept it upbeat and cheerful ... telling him what I'd been up to etc. I'm hoping that was the right thing to do? I thought that telling him how much I miss him and stuff would just get him down?

xxx

Hi natlee

My other half is in Afghan at mo due home this weekend after 5 months there. He went out after 2 weeks training lol so 6 weeks is gd!

Fist point I would say is definatly keep busy, the ways I have coped is keeping busy, taking up keep fit, running, although thats not for everyone but does fill hour or so and releases stress and helps the emotions lol, I tried to arrange a night in with the girls or out with the girls or cinema trip at least once if not twice a month so that I had something to look forward to each month as weekends are the worst! Also just going out to town window shoping helped as just being out the house and occupied kept my mind off moping too much.

Another way I coped was to have a big calender up in my room and every night I used a highlighter pen and coloured the box off to show another day down, it helps as as the weeks go on ur have more weeks pink and less white boxes and can highlight half way points and 1 month to homecoming that sort of thing. Hope that helps a little.

Starting uni is good as that will give you plenty of coursework and things to keep u occupied and mind off the crying moping stage, lol i did a 4 year degree and it was incedibly busy time so that is god that the timing for that is now.

As for the blueys yes your doing the right thing, My oh always said he loves getting my blueys and emails hearing the mundane elements of my life which i feel are boring are really good for him as it makes him feel connected to me and in the loop and near me. He really loves to hear what ive been doing. He likes to sometimes hear how much I am missing him as shows i love him and feelings havnt changed for him, but be carefull not to dwell tooo much on how u struggling feeling etc as ur right he does have enough on his plate out there, but a little bit of miss u like crazy etc in emails or letters is gd.

Eblueys are great hun as normal blueys from my experience can take 7-8 days to get to them, whereas eblueys have got to him the same day ive sent them if not the next morning so they a gd option.

Another hint i would say is number the blueys 1 2 3 etc so that u know what one your talking about as sometimes u might get reply for 3 when ur wrting 6 etc lol! and also try no to and it is very hard im guilty of it worry too much when u have no contact, there have been times over this detachment that i havnt heard from my oh for 3 weeks etc due to what he been upto and not being near a comp or post etc.

Hope this helps a little and it will go quicker than you think hun honestly, just keep busy, keep posotive and look forward to homecoming x

sarah

Two weeks training?! That's terrible! You must be so excited to get him home!

A lot of people have told me about the calendar thing. I think I might do it too. It's not been too bad so far ... he's rung everyday and we've spoken on FB a lot. But he's left for his FOB today and with the elections next week ... it's all a lot more worrying now. I'm really run down and having so much trouble sleeping ... think I might have to try curling up in his t-shirt he left and seeing if that helps.

Twenty four weeks to go! xxx