hi all, well its been a while since I last posted, in fact I can't even remember when I last did...  but just to update my dad passed away at the end of May and its been a bit of a rollercoaster.

I've been seeing a guy on and off since a few weeks before my dad died, and about three weeks after my dad died I went on holiday to Turkey (it had been booked ages before) with my friend and our respective little ones.

I just wanted a complete break from everyone and everything, including this guy (even though I did really like him).  I wanted time to deal with my thoughts and my emotions.  I pretty much ignored his calls and texts for most of the week, which resulted in him dumping me.  I then completely flipped out, got drunk in the hotel bar with some random girl who was also pissed off at some arsehole, and we were the only two people left in the bar.  One of the barmen had been really nice to my little one all week and I hadn't thought anything of it, but then he bought me a drink, and I guess I should have clicked but I'm a little slow sometimes.

Anyways, the long and the short of it is I got totally drunk and he kissed me and I probably kissed back (can't really remember).  I pulled away, politely told him I wasn't really that interested and me and the other girl carried on drinking and chatting and bantered a little with said barman plus another barman, took a few random silly photos, and then called it a night.

I was livid at having been dumped so put one of the photos on Facebook purely out of spite, but then me and the guy I was seeing sorted things out, and I didn't want to mess it up again so I lied and said nothing had happened.

I, however, made the mistake of keeping in touch with twattish barman on msn for a laugh, as to be honest I enjoyed the flattery (despite knowing it was all lines that he was probably dishing out to probably half the female population).

Unfortunately, the guy I am with has now read my msn chat history and knows that something happened, so I have come clean and confessed about the snog, but because I lied in the first place he doesn't believe me and is convinced that a lot more went on.

I know it looks bad but I really do love him and my head was a mess at the time and I can honestly say I really don't think I knew what I was doing, I was upset and hurt, and now I've messed up probably the best chance of happiness I've ever had.

Any advice welcome, I know I've screwed up, I know I've completely messed up the whole trust thing, but I really do want to try and save this.

Oh I was also on a dating site and he found me on there, but was not looking for dates, was just twatting around, attention seeking, ego boosting, whatever you want to call it, never met anyone from there and had no intention of ever doing so.

Reading back I can see I'm pretty much screwed, but um feel free to comment anyways!

Oh hon I'm probably not the best person to give you advice cos I know what's been going on so am not going to be objective.

TBH the way he treated you over the last few months I think he has a bit of a cheek to have a go at you. I know trust is important but you have both done things that eroded trust in each other and maybe its time to wipe the slate clean and start again.

You've been through an awful time and your head was all ove the place. Tell him how you were feeling and that the reason you didn't tell him was you didn't want to lose him and then he either forgives and forgets or he moves on.

You are not totally screwed - you've been through the mill sweetie so be kind to yourself and I'll speak to you soon.

Love,