Can I throw in a guys thoughts on this?

Honestly porn and masturbation has nothing to do with having a good or fufilled sex life.

Porn is just mind candy. You don't watch it or look at it and think "Wow I wish my GF/DW/ whatever was just like that". It's like soap operas or gossip magazines, but for men. Guys are visual, and honestly, looking at nice women is fun. It ISN'T saying looking at YOU isn't fun. All it is is something to do.

Masturbation is also a little self gratification. Unless your lover is very bad and selfish, a guys sex life pretty much revolves around making sure the woman had the best time ever and that you are at the top of their list. Childish? Sure. But most of the time it's about the woman. Taking matters into your own hands can release some tension, boost your endorphines and be a little selfish. Privately. Having someone do it for you, or doing it in front of them makes you think you need to return the favour.

Now pretty much the entire male population of the planet looks at porn and masturbates. It isn't a bad reflection on you or your relationship, however men have been brought up to think it is shallow and pretty much sad. Getting caught looking or having looked at it sucks, big time. Even when my fiance, who I watch porn with quite often, catches me having done it alone, I don't like her confronting me with it. It is almost like she is pointing out a flaw in me, which puts me on the defensive.

I know why she'll want re assurance about it, but it would honestly be better to brush it off.

Whats WORSE, is when you've looked at something questionable and they find that. I'll happily admit my Fiance and I have some odd tastes, and sometimes doing legitimate research to suprise her with next time we go deviant can lead you to some VERY dodgy websites. Now I don't want to lie to her, but sometimes "I was just curious" isn't a good answer when they've just found Tranny-Grany in Public. com on your history. Morbid curiosity doesn't sound like it'll cut it. :) Whats worse is saying "It was a popup I couldn't stop" sounds way lame.

But honestly. Unless it is getting to chronic levels, don't sweat it. If he is still attentive and pleasing you in bed, don't read too much into it. You COULD possibly ask him what some of his fantasies are, if you are into role playing and wish fufulment or whatever, but don't think it is a bad reflection on you.

TL:DR version of above : Guys are dumb. Throw rocks or panties at them to get your point across.

KBK

Yes i know porn is mind candy but why do i feel not good enough when or if he watched porn? He kept saying he never and it was a virus on the computer and got rather stroppy. Well what makes me feel even worse is the sites he was on were all teens his own age .... im insecure as it is and knowing hes doing his buisness over them doesnt help :/  i would rather him look at me lolz.

The masurbating part im not bothered about(if its over me) when it comes to other things like porn its different. Its great our sex life which is why i dont understand why he may need to masturbate over other girls because thats what i see it as, i see it as he might aswell go and cheat it makes me feel that bad about myself.  But wouldnt it be better to admit it i mean i dont know whether he did look at porn it was just in the history, which is even worse when your bf is adiment that he hasnt but your questioning them.

I love roleplay and would do anythink for him but i dont think ill ever understand males in general, no disrespct.

thanks for your help =]

Kayback,

Brilliant post - hits the nail right on the proverbial...head.

I'm always finding dodgy DVD's in the player in the bedroom and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. He masturbates if we've not been having loads of sex or if we've been having tons. As you say, men like masturbating and they like using porn and that's it. I also think some men like the naughty secrecy of it which is why, if 'caught', men get defensive. I imagine it's like having a sneaky and exciting at your dad's magazines which HE thinks are out of sight, when you're a teenager.

BTW - there was a programme on last night entitled 'Why men use pornography' or something like that. It was quite good actually but didn't watch all of it.

Love S