Hi guys,

i'm a newbie to this board and wondered if anyone could give me some advice?

I'm 29 years old and have been with my fiancee for 18 months, we live together and are very happy apart from our different sex drives. He has a very high sex drive and would quite happily have sex at least once a day (dont get me wrong i find this quite flattering! lol) but my problem is i have a very low sex drive and my parents are the reason behind this.

Basically i'm the youngest out of my siblings and my parents still treat me and talk to me like i'm a little girl and over the years its made me feel like a little girl in an adults body, it feels wrong having sex sometimes, i certainly never masturbate (sorry to be graphic!) because although i know its a perfectly normal healthy thing, to me it feels dirty and wrong (it think this stems from whenever the topic of sex or masturbation came up in family discussions my parents sniggered). I dont feel comfortable when my boyfriend calls me sexy and its now got to the point where i dont feel comfortable recieving compliments of any sort.

i'd really like to feel normal and sexy, but it just feels wrong and although my boyfriend would never laugh at me i have a vision in my head of being laughed at as if to say "what does she think she looks like!"

does anyone else feel like this?

Beth xx

Hi,

have read your message and dont want to sound patronising in anyway but thought what a sweet, lovely girl you must be,  please go and chat with a counsellor, ring relate, they are ssoooo helpful and understanding and probably meet people all the time with your problem.

Until you have chatted it over with someone, you will probably always suffer and you really have no need to.  So lovely to be wanted by your boyfriend, really must help your confidence.

Hope you find the strength to ring and make an appointment, cos thats the hardest thing but the first step to sorting it out,  it really will help.

good luck

x

Hello,

Thankyou so much for replying to my message : ) I agree with you in that i do need counselling and i did look into going to relate (cos they're the cheapest!) however i loive in Cheltenham, and they dont have a relate here. I looked at other counsellors but they are all sooooo expensive.

I'm getting married December 2010 and i was hoping to have resolved my problem by then so i can enjoy my honeymoon and give my wonderful boyfriend a wedding night he deserves! At the moment i feel quite anxious about the wedding night (not because i think my boyfriend will put pressure on cos he wont) but i hate the the thought of people knowing that we'll be having sex, i just know this will set my parents off sniggering!

I',m really lucky in that i can talk to my boyfriend and he fully understands and has never pressured me, he's met my parents and agrees that they do talk to me and treat me like a child.

Sorry to offload like this, but i feel really trapped and i feel guilty cos i have such a wonderful, wonderful boyfriend, but i cant give him the sexual connection that he deserves, although he has never said as much it must be getting him down too, i've seen other posts where the shoe has been on the other foot and how frustrated some of the people are when their partners dont want sex

Beth

Hi

I can't really help with the main problem, but I think you'll find a lot of people *don't* have sex on their wedding night as you're up til who knows when at your reception. Talking to someone will help.

Counselling should be available through your GP for free.

L

Hello! and welcome to the board...

As a person who is the youngest and who has been brought up in a household where sex was a very taboo subject and my parents never spoke about to me or anything I can understand a little of where your coming from... although my parents don;t treat me like a child still I have made it very clear I am now grown and can make my own choices and build my own life.

I don't want to sound harsh or patronizing or anything, but my thought is that your parents are still treating you like a child because they see you as one, and your not doing anything to correct that, when your parents do say something that could refer to you being a child still do you tell them your an adult etc and can live your own life?or do you rely on your parents a lot still for support and guidance... because if so then, what you need to think about is how to gently move away from this and rely more on yourself and your partner... this will help you to stop worrying about what your parents think about what your doing.

Also, you shouldn't be worrying about what anyone thinks of you or of what you do with whom! Your a grown woman who can make her own choices...

Good Luck
CharlieB xx