Hi everyone,

I wasn't sure whether to post my message here or not as I'm not sure if it is a case of mismatched sex drives, well maybe it is I'm not too sure.

Me and my boyfriend have been together 8 months, I love him very much and I'm sure that we will end up together. He feels same and we have a great time together so basically everything is fine.

Although I feel like on a number of occasions I get knocked back (sex wise), for example last night we were getting on fine and he told me how much he loves me (which he always does) and that he really hopes we will be together forever and he wants me to know how much he appreciates me. Obviously I thought that was a lovely thing to say and then we were on the sofa and he started to, what I thought was initiate sex. Then a bit later on he said shall we go upstairs but all we ended up doing was watching tele! So then I started to initiate things but he wasn't interested so then I was left feeling rather confused and a little bit hurt!

He's made it clear in the past that he doesn't want sex as much as I do and makes me feel daft for always wanting it. Don't get me wrong I'm not sex mad or anything and I'm more than happy to have nights where we don't do anything but we don't live together and we don't get much time on our own because he lives with his friend and then when he starts initating things but then stops I'm left feeling rather puzzled as to what I'm meant to do. The thing is if he came on to me I would never tell him to stop or tell him I wasn't up for it, 1) because I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings and 2) why would I?! but that's what he does to me and even though I know he loves me loads and I think he finds me attractive I still get hurt when he does this.

So what should have been a lovely evening was a bit upsetting and I went home wondering what it was I did wrong. I know I'm probably over reacting but I can't help how it makes me feel xxx

Hiya,

Sorry to read that you're feeling hurt and confused. I personally dont think you need to worry too much. He's been honest with you about his sex drive (which must have taken courage as men feel they have to live up to a certain reputation). I think your pehaps confusing the signals as opposed to getting mixed ones. He's being affectionate with you because he loves you, but affection doesnt neccesarily mean sex.

I have a low sex drive, but i'm always giving my df hugs and kisses because i want him to know how much i love him!

At least he's being affectionate, think how much worse it would be if he didnt say all those lovely things to you and wasnt affectionate.

Is there any reason why he's got a low sex drive? for instance a horrible childhood experience or something? My advice would be either try and put up with it, or have a chat with him. IF you do decide to talk to him aboout it i suggest you do it carefully as, if he's anything like me, he may be feeling confused, guilty or even ashamed of his lack of sex drive and he may get defensive.

Having a low sex drieve can be horrible, depseratly wanting to reassure the other partner but at the same time feeling unable to have sex.

Beth xxxxxxxxx