Hi Pippa

I just thought I'd chip in because your post really struck a chord with me! Like you, I don't have "friends" in the conventional sense either although I do seem to now (thanks to joining group after group) have lots of acquaintances!

I remember finding making friends hard at school too, and unlike a lot of women my age, don't have that special best friend - or even close friends I can talk to and have girly nights out with. Most women my age are (or have been) married and I can't think of anyone my age who doesn't have children, so it's kind of hard joining in those "kids" conversations.

I've tried languages courses, singing, tai chi, walking and am dram for making friends and it's only really with the last one (am-dram) that I have made any progress. It really helps that I love doing it and would go even if I didn't make new chums there!

Anyway, I HATE being single and would dearly love to find the man of my dreams or even the man of the moment lol! Sadly, even though I've been looking for about the last 7-8 years I've obviously been looking in the wrong places. I'd quite like to hear more about ALU's great things about being single - I always try to find a positive side to anything!

I know,it's so difficult isn't it. Sometimes it's good being single like now when I can't sleep and can do what I like ! I have a feeling that if you're single you are seen as a threat by coupled-up people maybe because you're independent and maybe because other women may see you as someone who could potentially go off with their other half ? Just a theory !

If you're in a couple you fit into the 'norm' and get invited to other couply things. I am thinking about giving Internet dating ago again but you have to be patient and sift through a lot of rubbish !

Hi Pippa,

Yep you're right about a lot of things in your post... but to put a more positive spin on the being invited to things as a couple, what about when your friends don't like your partner, or his friends don't like you?

It's very common that your friends might not like your partner and think he's any good for you so they'll be trying to split you up or at least not know if they can invite you without him etc... or if your boyfriend starts getting arsey with some of them, it makes it blooming awkward.

At least when you're single, things are much simpler. You can adopt a "This is me. Take me as I am, or forget it!" attitude. It's only very insecure women who won't invite you because they think you'd run off with their partner.

:-)

Hey there, I couldn't read and run!

I'm the same.  Trying to remember back, my last "proper relationship" ended in 1990.  Since then I had one boyfriend for 2 months in about 1992 and one for 2 months in 2001/2002.  Oh my, how time passes.

I've tried joining things, but most people in those places aren't what I call "proper singles", they're single mums, or divorced with kids - and they are just out for that one activity before dashing off back to their families.  There aren't that many "proper single" people about, or we're all at home, alone.

I now spend all my time online, where it is possible to chat to people at any time of night or day, although that doesn't get you out does it.  I hope something turns up for you.

It's my birthday soon too - and I know what you mean about having nothing.  The day comes and goes, the same as the rest.  I've tried organising many groups of people over the years, to just go out for a drink, but everybody's too busy.  On my 40th, I was working away from home (200 miles) on a temporary contract; my boss at the time thought it'd be nice to organise everybody to go out for my birthday, unfortunately nobody else liked him so only he turned up (they told me they'd not come because of him, after the event).  So there I was on my 40th, sat in a grim local pub, with my temporary boss.  We had two drinks, some awkward conversation and he'd brought his family holiday photos to show me.  Marvellous ... not.  I guess, at least he tried, otherwise I'd have been stuck in my cheap B&B room for the night.

All the best.

I turned 50 recently and have never had a long term relationship. Due to life events, I ended up at home for many years struggling to make ends meet for myself and my daughter. Having no time for socialising, that part of me never developed. Now my girl is fully grown, and I am coping financially, I find I have no friends and no social skills. It's difficult for me to speak up in a crowd, for example, something as simple as a group of coworkers in the canteen. Then I feel so self conscious and just keep quiet, and end up feeling worse. Time is going on and I often feel like an empty shell and feel people can tell I have no substance.

I have tried joining groups and doing courses. While I have stuck with a couple because I like the activities, I have found that they are usually filled with people who are years older than me and are there because they are retired and 'doing it because they always wanted to'. My communication with them is always just hi, how are you going. People never seem to want to talk to me. In some groups, they all seem to know each other already, or come with their own friends, so they really don't need to be my friend at all.

I have been reading someone's website about making friends. He offers lots of advice that is not the usual self-help book type of going out and talking to complete strangers, or joining endless classes where supposedly single people hang out. It's all about making yourself into an interesting person (read and experience lots of different things) so people will want to talk to you.

I guess the idea is that while you are out there gathering life experience and knowledge, you'll eventually bump into that special someone who shares your interest. The upside is that you will be so busy doing those things you won't have time to realise how lonely you are.