Hi Everyone

I am so happy for finding this site as I have read other people's messages and it's somewhat comforting to know that I am not alone.

At the moment, I am feeling completely heart broken, physically and mentally. Basically I split from my fiancee over a week ago after travelling around the world together. It's so difficult right now as we were together 24/7 and now we haven't had any contact at all.

I had found that he was using loads of dating sites, acting as though he was single and then he confessed to me that he didn't love me anymore and just sees me as his best friend. We didn't have a physical relationship for around 6 months either so I knew that something was wrong but had no idea that he was chatting away with other girls wanting to meet up with them. I feel that he has used me for our trip (travelling), taken me for granted and I feel this awful anger at him. We got back a week ago and haven't had any contact since. What's worse is that I  am so close to his sisters and they are angry with him as well as he doesn't seem to care that he has broken up with his fiancee of 4 years, acting as though nothing has happened and is now back on dating websites already.

I am so upset, feel hurt and now total anger. Is this natural? I'm also finding that I'm like a stalker, checking his facebook and twitter pages to see what he's doing. I've also found his account on dating websites. Why the hell am I am doing this - searching for everything about him? I've got to forget him I know this, but am finding this so difficult. Do you think I should block them as this can't be good for my moving on stage!

To be honest, I have come to accept that we are over and I have known this for a while. I am more hurt by his deciet and his no care attitude at finishing with me . Did it mean nothing to him? How could he be so cruel?

Please tell me what's the best way to get over this. Should I delete him from my life completely. will this help me heal faster?

Take care

Lou

Hi Lou,

I really am sorry to hear what has happened here and how horribly your ex treated you when ending things. And its perfectly natural for you to feel angry etc. But i will say one thing, after the deceiptful way he had been carrying on i think you are definately better without him, its disgraceful that he was looking on dating sites and was wanting to meet other girls whilst he was engaged to you. If he wasn't happy then he should have been talking about it to you like 2 adults should do rather than be hiding around behind your back searching elsewhere.

I know it will be hard, but you need to stop looking at him online on the sites he goes on and cut him out of your life and in time, thoughts completely. You need to give yourself time to get over this and while you are still following what he is doing online etc its not going to make it easy for you to move on.

Also try to spend more time with friends, family and finding other interests/hobbies will help take your mind off him more and in general anything to keep you more busy will help too. It will take time but you will feel better in the end.

((((( Hugs )))) and take care.

Missy x

Hey Lou,

Welcome to the board, but I'm sorry it's under these circumstances - what a jerk!!!!!!!

I'm not surprised you're so angry at him. It's only natural after how he's treated you.

Yes, I'd recommend you blocked him on those sites. As you said, it's not helping. If he really has something important to say to you, he still has your phone number and where you live etc. Facebook or any other social network/dating site isn't necessary. All you're getting is the equivalent of salt being rubbed in your wounds when you look at his page, and the little green monster eyeing up all his pics and contacts. It's not good and you'll move on faster not looking at them.

Anyway, you will get through this. I'm sure, even though it might not seem like it now, you are a fighter and one day you'll wake up and realise that someone who treats his fiancee of four years like this is not worth you! He did use you for that round the world trip and GRRR I'm so angry for you!

So, I suppose what I'm trying to say is that it's a long process but you will get through it. Post on here whenever you feel like it - I don't know about you, but I find it really helpful to channel my thoughts so they can be written down and then clicking post and feeling them go a little further away. We're here to support you all the way.

:-)

Hi Everyone

Thanks so much for your responses. Well, I have taken your advice and deleted him from all my social networking sites and have resisted looking at what he's doing on those dating websites. The stupid guy left all his login details on our laptop that we used for travelling and I now have. I have this idea in my head that he will meet the most amazing, stunning woman and they will live all happily ever after but my sister tells me that these dating sites are useless anyway. Anyway, I shouldn't think of him, he's a nasty, manipulative man who has karma coming to him I'm sure.

It's been quite hard to resist looking and he has no idea that I've been looking at all his conversations with girls but I am desperate to move on from him and just have to stay strong. The good thing is that I think I've moved on from the hurt stage to the really angry stage so I think this is a step in the right direction!

However, time seems to be going so slow at the moment. I'm trying to work out what to do and am now even thinking of doing some volunteering abroad as I still have a little cash left over. I think getting away from the UK and doing something completely different will help in the healing process anyway.

Thanks for all your support

Lots of Love

Lou

Where did you go on your travels before?

Somewhere like Australia is great at this time of year - means you can escape the UK's gloom.

Yes dating sites can be good, but there's a lot of trash too. I think we all go through that wondering of what our ex's are doing now and compare yourself to who they're seeing now. I'm guilty of that too - I think it's only natural, and then I bring myself back to reality at how much happier I am now. (I suppose my situation was different cos I broke up with him... but you probably look back and think what you could have done differently and if it would have changed anything.)
The thing is if he can do this to you, then he can do it to anyone... Say you were to get back together, you'd never be sure of if he'd do this again. He clearly didn't know when there was a good thing right in front of him.

You're also right about going through the different stages after a break up. There are some very good resources on the Talking About Relationships board - have you seen that yet? I might dig them out and post them on here later if you haven't, they are very useful.

Anger is quite a positive emotion - if you channel it in the right ways. That hurt-upset stage is bad for the self-esteem as you are taking the break up personally, blaming yourself and questioning "what's wrong with me." Anger at him is good cos you've realised the blame doesn't lie with you, and doing aerobic exercise, punching cushions, screaming GRRR really help to unleash a lot of that tension and anger.
(Wow, I'm starting to sound like my counsellor! Sorry!!)

Then eventually, with time, you'll start getting to the acceptence stage. You're doing everything 'right' and as you said, karma will come to bite him in the backside sooner or later. Good luck - you sound like a really lovely girl with her head very well screwed on!

:-)