Hello.

We told my in laws last week that we were delaying the wedding as the house is the first priority (don't want to live with in laws when we are married) and we can't do everything at once and also we want to save. So we have decided on year 2011. SIL started going on about how everything is booked (only the reception is booked - so much more to plan but she doesn't realise) and she said things will be the same next year. But I told her it won't because the house will hopefully be sorted and then it will just be a wedding to plan. FIL wasn't happy but said that we should do whatever is best. MIL went off in a mood - she made an excuse to leave the table and walked off. Me and DF knew that she was annoyed. We were upstairs and we heard her banging doors and cupboards and speaking angrily to FIL (although we couldn't hear what it was about).

MIL told BIL and his girlfriend. Basically BIL is 34 years old, has been with his girlfriend for 5 years but is a commitment phobic. BIL's girlfriend kept saying to MIL that everything is booked and that when are they going to have a chance to get married. MIL said you can get married before them and then she said 'but I have to wait till he proposes.' So on one hand, she's blaming us for the fact that she can't get married; then on the other hand she's saying she has to wait till he proposes! I knew she'd be funny about it because every since DF proposed, she's been so jealous and she kept making annoying remarks.

I saw BIL today. He asked why we are postponing the wedding and I told him the truth. Then I told him that everyone is having a go at us because they are saying you can't get married because of us. And he said no; then he asked when we might be getting married. So I told him and he replied 'well, we will just beat you to it then.' In a weird tone of voice. To be honest, it sounded like his girlfriend because everything is a competition to her. I replied 'that's good then because it will get people of our back.' I don't understand this though - a month ago we told them our wedding date and everyone joked saying he was next in line and he said a stern 'No, I don't think so.' And now he is totally for it...? :oS

My main concerns about BIL getting married before us (most likely a few months before our wedding as BIL's girlfriend is a right cow and really awkward and she will make things difficult for us) is that our relatives from abroad will not be able to make two trips so close together because of money issues and work commitments. So if they go to their wedding, which they will because their wedding will be first, then it is very likely that they will not come to our wedding  :o(

Secondly, when they briefly talked about weddings, they said they wanted to go abroad and get married. His girlfriend has very expensive taste in holidays as again, it is a competition to her and everytime I go away she says 'it must have been a really cheap holiday.' If they are going abroad to get married, we will not be able to afford it as we will be buying a house and we will have our own wedding to pay for. I know the in laws will be funny about this and I'm dreading it.

I knew that they would do something like this and to have their wedding bang in the middle of ours is just grrrrr. I mean, he has been with her so long and now he has decided to get married. Anyways, MIL is not speaking to me and DF as I think she is annoyed we are delaying the wedding. And that to her means her precious son can't get married.

When we told MIL and FIL that we were engaged, they were not even happy for us. They didn't hug us or anything. But I bet when their other son announces that he is engaged, there will be big celebrations. That is another thing that worries me - when BIL announces the engagement, the in laws will react so differently to him (more happier) and that will upset me. I don't understand why we are being treated like this. It's not easy with MIL not talking to us as we are living with her.

I'm just so grrrrrrrrrrrrr  >:o(  

Thanks for reading. It's much appreciated.    :o)     

Hi

I think you need to stop worrying what other people are thinking and feeling and concentrate on what you and your DF want. If you cant afford to get married as well as buy a house etc then prioritize whats most important - at the end of the day you can have a wedding whenever, personally I was engaged for 8 yrs before we married, because other things were more important.

If your families truely care about you both they will come to your wedding so you shouldnt needlessly worry about it.

My cousin booked her wedding a week before mine even though she knew mine had been booked for over a year - my family kindly made it to both.

HTH

Louise

Hey hunni,

I have to echo loobylou here, I think they will make the effort for both weddings and
like loobylou says if you choose to postpone it because you want to have somewhere to
live first then that's fine, at the end of it all, you and your df choose when to get married, buy a house, even have children, not your MIL or FIL.

I am sure within time MIL will come around and realise you although might be doing
things differently to the way she would the end result will be the same.I do understand how frustrated you must feel as I had a similar thing to yourself with my previous husband's family but marriage is not a race nor should it be an upsetting time for
anyone involved so smile sweetly, wish them well and hopefully once sil sees you are
not bothered then she will quietly get on with it.

To be honest hunni, at least you know your df wants to get married to you whereas
there would always be that doubt in my mind as to whether the BIL really wanted to
do it or whether he was pushed into it by MIl.Just my honest opinion there.

With love and hugs
Jen.xxx

 
Cl on Confessions Corner , Mum's Club May 08 , and Mum's Due Nov 09