Hi there

I think I am lucky enough to have achieved most of the things I wanted in life - or at least be satisfied with what I have. (I'm just over 50 so I certainly have a different view from when I was younger.)   My question relates to my daughter and how to continue to motivate her.  At the moment she is only 9 and she loves life.  She likes school and she goes to numerous after school activities which she also likes.  Obviously, as she grows up, and particularly when she starts secondary school in 3 years time, she will have to restrict her activities as she will have to concentrate more on schoolwork.  At the moment she likes them all equally and is good at them without too much effort (taekwondo, swimming, singing, violin etc) so I'm wondering how we are going to choose what to keep on and what to drop.  Obviously it's her choice in the end, not mine, and she will also have the opportunity to add new activities.  I also want her to realise that as she grows up she won't automatically get everything she wants in the way she does now and she will have to work for things.

How do I keep her realistic but motivated in the face of other demands?  

Many thanks

Hi Moss -  you sound like  a wise mum, who gives quality thought to what her daughter needs – so your life wisdom is paying off! The most important piece in what you say for me is understanding that she won’t always get what she wants. All the people I met when researching The Psychology of Success had a significant failure or difficulty at some point in their lives and all saw it as an important part of getting where they are today. While seeing her live through disappointment won’t be easy for you, it will certainly help her develop grit, determination and the ambition to move forward – eventually! It sounds like a first challenge will be in the choice of what she wants to do with her time.

She will stay motivated as long as she is fully committed. Losing the delight may be an indication that it’s time to move on to pastures new. However she also needs to learn that sometimes it’s worth sticking with something through a tough time. Nothing is ever simple - and only she can decide which is right.  An honest chat with you will help her identify the right move - help her explore her options and the implications, while resisting pushing her in the direction you think is right (not easy to do!). Ultimately, if she can come to her own decision, she will gain from the experience. Think of it as a life lesson rather than choosing an activity. She may get it right – she may not – either way she will learn something about herself and something about making life decisions, which will add real value in the long run.

Let me know how it goes via judith@judithlearyjoyce.com

Can you email me (through my profile) your address, so I can get a copy of Judith's book sent out to you.

Thanks

CS