I work as a journalist on a provincial newspaper in the Republic of Ireland.

I suffer terribly from a lack of confidence while at work, as I do not fit in with the traditional stereotype of a macho journalist.

But the real problem is this:

Whenever I hear my story has been "relegated" to page two in favour of a better one on the front page, my heart sinks. I can actually feel a dagger going through my heart when this happens.

I just wish I could feel something other than hurt or destroyed when my stories make page one. I do okay - I get on average two stories a week on page one. But if I ever fall short of that, I feel wrecked inside, and compare myself unfavourably to other journalists there. There is an element of jealousy there as well. But there is no denying the fact they do get more front page by-lines than me.

I tell myself: "Of Course they will, they have been there a lot longer than I have". But is that not just a cop-out? I have been working in Ireland for 20 months at this stage.

I should just be able to pick myself up and get on with things, and work harder. But I don't. Instead, my heart sinks, I feel sorry for myself, and procrastinate.

I come in every Monday feeling nervous to the next week, worried that I will not deliver. Struggling to wake up in the morning out of fear more than anything else. What if I dont deliver a story which is worthy of page one? Will that be picked up on? Will the cost chopping company I work for deem me dispensible?

The only time I am truly happy is when my name is splashed across page one. But it would be unrealistic to assume this will happen all the time.

I would love to get out of this cycle - which more or less plays out on a weekly basis - but I cannot.

If you have any advice/thoughts, I would love to hear from you,

SPENCER